Feel My Love
by MandyJai13
Summary: After Santana sings "Mine" and breaks up with Brittany, the beautiful Blonde spirals out of control. Will Santana be there to save her before it is too late? Rated M for self-harm, eating disorders, language and eventual smut (Trigger warning!)
1. Without You

**Without You  
Chapter 1**

Brittany's POV:

When I felt her lips press gently against mine, for what may be the last time, I felt my heart shatter. As she pulled away from me tears poured down my cheeks, my eyes hazy, I tried to look at her. I wanted to memorize her perfect features, her full lips and chocolate brown eyes even if she didn't want me, I still wanted her. After a few seconds passed I heard her speak, "Britt, I'm so sorry, I love you. But I have to go" and just like that she was gone. My love, my life, mi niña, suddenly I was completely alone in the world.

Each day passed slowly by, after that nothing held real meaning, colors seemed dull, lights were too bright, everyone was too loud. Every day it was the same thing get up, go to school, glee, cheerios practice, go home, curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. I felt myself slipping away, numb from the pain in my heart. My friends tried to cheer me up, Sugar was constantly trying to plan sleepovers, Tina always wanted to practice new duets for Glee club and Sam, well he tried the hardest. Always asking me to get out and do things with him. But every time I declined. I was too broken to do anything more than go through the motions of my life. I guess after a while they all got tired of asking, tired of me turning them down and eventually they all just stopped asking, except for Sam. I began to fade into the background, I let Kitty have the head Cheerio spot, I gave up any of my dance solos to Blaine and gave my singing parts to Tina. I sat in the back of every class, fell to the back of the cheerios formation and hid behind everyone in the back of the choir room. I also found it easier to hide out in the choir room alone during lunch; I couldn't stand being around all of these happy people when I was hurting so badly inside. It was also easier since I couldn't eat with them. I don't know when I stopped eating, days ago, weeks ago? Who knows.

Days stretched into weeks and weeks into months, it finally got to the point where my friends, family, teachers, everyone just stopped acknowledging my presence, except for Sam. I knew he could see what I was becoming, he tried so hard to get me to open up, to stop hurting, but even he couldn't help. I became invisible. Every once in a while Santana would text me, something simple like "I'm thinking of you" or "I hope you're having a great day." Every time her name popped up on my screen I felt my heart flutter. But shortly after my heart would just break all over again, I'd choke back sobs and send her a quick reply. "I'm doing okay, I hope you are well -Xx," every text I sent was the same, but she never sent another reply, and that was okay, I don't think I could take any more heart ache. Without Santana's love, without _her_, everything inside of me slowly drained away, my skin became pale; my firm, toned body became thin and gaunt. My ocean blue eyes became a dull, cloudy grey; I felt the unicorn in my soul slowly dying, just like I was slowly dying.

One particularly bad day I was rummaging through my medicine cabinet looking for some stronger pain pills. Cheerios practices we're getting harder as my body and muscles deteriorated. While digging around I stumbled upon something sharp, it pricked my finger and I retracted it quickly. When I look at my finger there was a few crimson liquid drops where my finger was cut and I inhaled sharply. Reveling in the ability to actually _feel _the sting and _see_ the blood on my skin. I quickly looked back in the cabinet trying to figure out what had caused me such a thrill. Ah ha! I pulled out a razor blade; no more than two inches long but by the sparkle of the blade I could tell it was very sharp. I stood there frozen staring at this little piece of metal turning it in my fingers, contemplating. I wanted a thrill, I needed to _feel_ something again, something more than the ache of weakening muscles, or the throb of my broken heart. Hesitantly I lowered the blade to my arm, the cool metal made my skin tingle and in a single swipe I drug the blade across my forearm, gasping at the sensation. For a few glorious seconds all I felt was pain, I forgot my heart ache, forgot Santana's beautiful face, forgot how my name sounded from her lips. I needed more. I brought the blade down again, slicing a little deeper this time. Tiny red droplets began to form on my arm, they mesmerized me. Again and again I carved the blade into my arm, tears staining my pale face as blood ran down my arm, spilling onto the bathroom floor. The next half hour was spent trying to clean up the mess I'd made; thankfully the blood came up easily. After I was finished I tucked the little razor in a tiny box, a box that had once been given to me by Santana, occupied by a gold chain with a tiny unicorn pendant. I threw the pendant across the room, I was no longer the unicorn, and Santana was no longer mine.

School the next day proved to be interesting; I had to wear a long sleeve shirt to cover the marks I'd left on my arm. And no more than 5 minutes of being at McKinley I had Sue screaming down at me for not wearing my cheerios uniform but it had been worth it. Each time I ran my hand over the spot I could feel the raised marks, burnt into my flesh, marking me, making me feel alive again. All day, and every day after that I kept that little gold box hidden in my pocket, it became my safety my sanctuary. Soon I was using the blade once a week, and every time Santana would text me. After that it was twice week, than every other night. By the time Christmas break rolled around I would slash the blade over my almost transparent skin every day, only satisfied after I left numerous gashes that seeped crimson liquid everywhere. Every day I came to school in long sleeve shirts, hoodies or jackets, no one really paid much attention, although I know I saw a questioning look in Sam's eyes every time he looked at me. But I ignored him. From then on my arms were constantly littered with scars and slashes, but no one noticed. Not really.

After Christmas break, things got even worse. I quit the cheerios, unable to keep up any longer, my mind too weak, my body unable to withstand Sue's vigorous practices. I sat invisible in the back of the choir room, no longer dancing or singing I was too frail. My body barely had the strength to stand, and I no longer possessed the ability to speak more than a word or two at a time. Since becoming invisible, being ignored and forgotten, I had lost my voice, turns out when you are no longer spoken too, you have no need to speak any longer, and eventually you are physically unable to with pain.

It's been weeks since I looked into a mirror, afraid of what would look back at me, but today in the girl's bathroom at school I accidentally slipped, looking directly at my reflection as I washed my hands. My face was sallow; there was absolutely no color, white skin, black rings under my once beautiful blue eyes, my full pink lips thin and barely more than a pale hue. I could see my collar bone protruding from underneath my long sleeve shirt, my ribs clearly visible underneath the thin material. Cautiously I rolled up my sleeves examining my forearms which were barely bigger than a stick, covered in thin bright white scars flaming against skin so transparent you could see the veins pumping blood beneath them. I smiled a little to myself, I had control. I had control over my body, and what happened to it. Even if I had no control over anything else, like Santana loving me, or my friends caring what happened to me. I felt a small twinge of sadness looking in that mirror however; I was no long beautiful, no longer a vibrant, bubbly, glowing unicorn. No I was this, this person who I could barely even recognize. Santana hadn't wanted me when I was beautiful, if she ever saw me now, she really wouldn't want me. But that feeling quickly passed. I no longer had the strength or resolve to care anymore, Santana didn't want me, no one wanted me, so what did it matter how I looked?

Sometime the next week I was sitting in the choir room, lost in my own thoughts, sipping some water, when my phone buzzed. That was odd, I hadn't received a text message or call in weeks. So I picked it up and looked at the caller ID. It read, Santana. I shut my eyes, breathed deeply and opened the message. I was surprised to see it was a little longer than her normal messages, I read it a few times. It said "Britt-Britt, sorry I haven't texted in a while, finals kicked my ass. I really hope all is well, less than half a school year left. I miss you, XOXO –Santana." I felt my temperature rise, I was weak, but I still had enough fight left to be angry at Santana. She had walked away from me, broken my heart, left me here in this miserable place, and now she had the nerve to send that kind of message! Outraged, I ripped off my jacket and pulled out the little box, tossing the lid beside me. I brought the blade down directly across my wrist, cutting deeper than I ever had before. Letting a strangled hiss out I repeated the action as crimson blood spilled out, I wrapped my jacket around my wrist so the blood wouldn't get all over the choir room floor, but soon I felt my vision going hazy, the room was spinning, I felt like I was falling, falling, falling, then pure darkness.

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Sam's POV:

I was walking down the hallway toward the cafeteria when I heard a strange noise coming from the choir room. I quickened my pace trying to find out what was wrong, and when I walked in I felt my heart sink. Brittany was lying on the floor, unconscious, curled up into a fetal position clutching her jacket around her arms and into her chest. I froze; panic pulsing through me, what happened? What do I do? I should take her to the nurse, no. I should take her to the hospital. No that isn't a good idea either; maybe I should just take her to Mr. Shue's office, he is gone for the day and it will be empty. Yeah, I quickly decided that to be the best option. As I bent down to pick up her limp body in my arms I realized just how sick she looked. Her face was so thin, her once toned arms and legs barely sticks. Her beautiful glow replaced by dull ashen skin. I felt tears forming in my eyes. How could I not have noticed? I mean I knew she was heartbroken, I knew she just wanted to be alone, I saw her demeanor change from bubbly and quirky to calm and reserved but never had I realized just how lifeless she had become. Nothing about his fragile girl in my arms even appeared to be living, except for the faintest of heartbeats, so slow it seems as though she were only moments away from the broken heart stopping altogether.

I rushed her into Mr. Shue's office, I knew I should take her to the hospital but I just couldn't do that to her, sure she was sick, but she was broken and hurting, I wouldn't be the cause of so much pain to such a wonderful angel. Slowly realization hit me, I lifted the jacket she clung to tightly and drew in a quick breath as I saw the blood red marks on her wrists. I just stared and then moved closer to get a better look, realizing that the skin of her arms was whiter, less ashen than the rest of her skin so I looked even harder. I felt anger erupt in my chest at all of the scars covering her arms. I was angry at myself for not noticing, angry at Britt for not reaching out for help, but mostly I was angry with Santana, she had caused all this. She had promised Brittany forever, she said she loved her more than anything and then she abandoned an angel. I was furious at this revelation and quickly whipped out my cell phone and dialed Santana's number.

"Trouty mouth? Long time no talk, what's up? Wait why are you calling me in middle of the school day?" the Latina's questions just fueled my fire. I took a breath and said "Santana, what the fuck is wrong with you! You say you love Brittany, you actually make everyone think you are a decent person, that you actually have a heart, then you go an abandon that beautiful girl when she needs you the most!" I ranted at her and she kept trying to interrupt, "Wait what Sam I don't unde…." I cut her off, "Really Santana don't play dumb with me, you promised Brittany forever, then you dump her like she is nothing to you, you walk away and never think about the consequences. Have you even bothered to check up on her, bothered to call her or come visit when your home?!" I was practically yelling into the phone, when I finished I heard her voice on the other end, much softer, a whisper almost "Wait, Sam what is wrong? I have been talking to Britt, well texting her actually, I even texted her today, pretty much at least once a week. She always says she is okay or fine or or…" her voice broke. "Yeah Santana, fine, okay, I bet you didn't even care enough to think about why she never said good, or great." I huffed at her. "Sam, of course I did! I love her, she is my soul mate, and I did this for her. I broke up with her to save her the pain and heartbreak of feeling lonely. I did it so she could find happiness with, with someone else if she wanted…" I could hear the tears streaming down her face, I knew she was telling the truth. I softened my tone a bit, "Santana you have no idea what has happened to her, you have no idea what you did to her. She's broken Santana, she quit cheerios, did you know that? She doesn't even sing or dance in glee anymore, she just sits in back, never speaking simply applauding when we finish a number. She sits alone in the choir room every day eating lunch. Correction, she sits alone NOT eating lunch. Her body is thin and frail, she can barely stand up without being out of breath, she no longer speaks, her broken heart has silenced her voice. And today… Today I found her unconscious in the choir room, curled up in a ball on the floor. She looked dead Santana. When I picked her up to move her to Mr. Shue's office I could lift her with one arm, she probably doesn't even weight 80lbs." I heard sobs coming from Santana on the other end of the phone; I felt tears stinging my own eyes. "Santana, it gets worse, when I picked her up she had a jacket clutched to her chest, and wrapped around her arms. When I got her to the couch I pulled it away and, and…" My voice broke "Her arms are covered in scars, scratches, cuts, everything, not one single inch of her forearms remain untouched, and she had two cuts right across her wrists Santana, they look fresh, like she just did them today." I could hear Santana's heart break, I heard the sobs and the whimpers of "It's my fault, my angel, I'm so sorry baby, so sorry." Her cries were heart wrenching but not as bad as the mangled girl lying next to me. "Sam you have to get her to the hospital," I heard through broken sobs. "Quickly, I'm on my way."

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Santana's POV:

When I finally arrived at the hospital I felt like I was in a bad nightmare, I rushed around trying to find her room number; I had to see my Brittany, mi niña. I finally found her room. I took a deep breath preparing to see the lifeless form of the girl I loved. As I walked in a saw a girl lying in a hospital bed, ashen, pale skin, with bones protruding everywhere, I saw bandages around her arms and a tall blonde boy holding her hand singing to her softly. I choked back a sob. Mi niña. My heart broke into a million pieces as I slowly walked closer see just how bad she looked. Sam looked up at me, with a grimace on his face. "The doctors said it isn't good, her body has lost so much blood over the last couple months, and with her not eating anything her body wasn't able to replenish what was lost. They have a feeding tube in her arm and have given her blood to help her stay stable; her body was shutting down Santana. She literally was dying, and I just stood by oblivious, and so did her friends and ever her parents. How could someone not have seen this…" His voice was broken, his head hung in shame. But this was my fault, I left her, I broke her, I abandoned her when she needed me. I couldn't stop the flow of tears as I rushed to her other side a carefully wrapped my hand around her fragile fingers. Sam spoke again "Her parents are out of town, I called to tell them and they are on their way back but, I don't really think it is them she needs. It's you. Santana I know you are blaming yourself, and you should have called, you should have visited and you would've seen just how bad she looked, you would've seen it in the way she moved and her inability to speak. You know her better than anyone. You would've caught what we all missed, all we saw a girl with a broken heart, but in reality she wasn't just broken she was dying without you, her soul mate. So please don't blame yourself, because the second you do you will just walk out on her again, thinking she is better off without you, but obviously she needs you Santana. She needs you like water, like air, she needs you to live." I cried more hearing his words, knowing they were true, I wanted to leave, I did this to her, I almost caused her dea… no I can't think that word. But Sam is right; she wouldn't have done this if I was there. So I will never leave her again, I love her too much. I need her too much. I refuse to live in a world where she doesn't exist. I vow to myself from now on to never ever leave my beautiful niña again. Never. "Sam, thank you. You saved her life. I am forever grateful. I know how bad I messed up; I really just thought it was for the best, for her, not for me. I've been miserable without her, lonely and cold and broken, but I thought she needed to move on, I thought she needed me to not call or come by so she could heal. But I was wrong. She is my air, my water, my life force, and I am hers. We can't exist separately. I know that now. And I plan on spending every day of the rest of my life making sure she is safe, happy, healthy and loved." I finished my speech wiping my tears away. "Good Santana, she deserves it, Brittany is truly an angel. I'm going to head home so you can have some alone time. Doctor says she should be waking up any time now." I breathed a sigh. "Goodbye Sam, thank you again, for everything."

"Oh baby girl, my niña! How could I let this happen? I am so sorry hunny, I love you so much. I've never stopped. I'm sorry I broke up with you; I just wanted you to have a chance to be happy with someone who was right there with you. I guess I never realized you needed me as much as I needed you. I love you baby, I love you so much. Please wake up? I'm so sorry, I promise from now on, I will never ever leave you again, unless… unless you don't want me after this…" I choked back a sob. I leaned down and kissed her ghostly pale lips, cupping her thin face in my hands. I pulled back staring at her, thinking about how she was still beautiful even in this mess, she was always beautiful, but more than anything I wanted her awake and healthy again. I sat there in silence for a few moments, the room eerily silent except the beeping of her machines. But then I heard my heart skip a beat as I felt a cold hand squeeze mine. I turned to look up at her, her once ocean blue eyes a hazy grey, I sobbed. "Tana, what? Why are you…" She croaked out, her voice barely a whisper. "Shhh Shh baby it's okay just stay quiet, Sam told me you are too fragile to talk." I leaned down and looked her directly in the eyes, closing the distance between us again my lips meeting hers in a slow kiss. I pulled back eyes full of tears. "Baby girl, I'm so sorry for everything, I never wanted this, I love you. I always have. I never wanted to hurt you I thought I was doing it for you; I've missed you every second of every day. I wish you would've told me how bad it was, I would've come home in a second. Baby, please forgive me, I love you. I will never ever leave you again." A small smile crept onto her face. "Shhh Tana, it's okay, I heard everything…" I stuttered, "You did?" she looked at me eyes full of tears, "I love you Tana. Mi niña."

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**Excuse my Spanish, it is pretty rusty. Mi niña roughly translates to my girl, or my baby girl.**

**Thanks for reading, please review! Next chapter will be up in a few days.**


	2. Let Me Be Your Girl

**Let Me Be Your Girl**  
**Chapter 2**

Santana's POV:

Britt's parents had arrived at the hospital a few hours after I did, they were a mess, but they were very happy to see she was awake. I decided to give them a few hours alone with her to talk about her "condition" but they insisted I stay. I could tell they were beating themselves up for not noticing what was happening to their daughter; however I was grateful that they didn't seem to be blaming me for any of this, although I certainly was. After Britt had drifted off to sleep that night they both held me and we all cried together, mourning what had become of our beautiful blonde angel.

Over the next two days the doctors informed us that she was starting to do better but that we had a long road of recovery ahead of us. Because of the cuts on her wrists the doctor's had decided to put her on 72 hour suicide watch, even though she had assured them and us that she hadn't been trying to kill herself, that the cutting was just a way to release built up emotions. That was both comforting and heartbreaking to hear. She hadn't wanted to die, although she nearly had, but she had also been hurting so badly that she had to carve into her beautiful skin to try to make the hurt go away. My heart broke at the image of Brittany slumped against the bathroom sink slicing her perfect porcelain skin and blood dripping down around her. I shook my head to rid my mind of those images.

Britt's parents had gone home this afternoon to shower and get a few hours of sleep while I stayed with her. We hadn't really talked about everything, I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what she had to say, but I knew I had to ask her, to figure out where we stood, and it was either now or never. "Britt, I think we need to talk about this," I almost whispered to her, not meeting her eyes which were finally starting to turn blue again. "Tana look at me…" she paused; I could still tell it was hard for her to speak, but it slowly seemed to be getting easier. I looked up and met her eyes, they were soft, and I could just make out a hint of a returning sparkle. She leaned over and took my hands in hers. "Listen, I'm sorry I put you through this, I never wanted you to have to see me like this," she motioned to her bandaged arms and boney frame. "I just, I couldn't be me without you. I thought you didn't love me, I thought you didn't want me… And Tana, without you, I had nothing left. Cheerios, Glee, school, everything just seemed pointless. It hurt to sit and watch everyone else be happy and make plans for the future, a future where all I wanted to do was spend every waking moment with you. Without you I had no plans, no future, and no life beyond my broken heart."

As she finished her statements I felt hot tears streaming down my cheeks, she brushed them away, forcing me to meet her eyes again. "Please, baby don't cry. I'm not mad, I'm not angry at you, it was my choice to do the things I did, well maybe it wasn't exactly a choice, but I did the only things I knew how to do. It was easier to push everyone away, to hide behind baggy hoodies and long sleeve shirts, it was easier to give up cheerios and glee, and it was easier to feel _something _if I cut" she paused, trying to catch her breath.

"Santana I really am sorry for putting you through this. I never wanted you to have to come back and take care of me, to give up your life, your dreams for me. It's really okay if you want to go back, you don't need to stay here because you blame yourself for what happened." Her last works were barely audible, I could tell she was straining herself by talking so much. But even in a whisper her last words pierced right through my heart.

"Britt, stop. Please. I'm not here because I feel bad, I'm not missing out on my life because what _you_ don't realize is that you are my life, my world, my heart. You are right about one thing though mi querida, I can't help but put some blame on myself, if I would have just listened to you when told me you didn't want anyone else." I felt myself sigh, "I guess I just thought it would be easier to give you up and let you find someone who could offer you more than I could. But I've never regretting anything more than breaking up with you, leaving you was the second hardest thing I've ever done. Second only to a few days ago when I got that phone call from Sam, I thought I'd lost you forever. I would never be able to live in a world where you didn't exist, I couldn't do it." Tears were running down my cheeks, but I continued, "Baby, even though I can't help but think it is my fault, I'm not here because of that. I'm here because I love you more than anything, más que a mi propia vida." I could see tears glistening in her eyes, and I knew they matched my own, I felt my heart soar, knowing she felt the same way. "Tana, I love you too, I never stopped. I've never wanted anyone else. I know that I, we, have a long road ahead, I know it won't be easy for my body to heal, but I don't care as long as I have you."

Britt's words touched my very soul, I felt, for the first time in months that I was whole again. She reached out and cupped my face pulling me close to her lips. I met her, my lips timid at first, not wanting to hurt her. But when she put her arm around my waist and pulled me closer I couldn't help but reach out and wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her close. I felt like I could breathe again, I could smell her all around me, strawberries and someone totally _Brittany_. I slid my tongue along her lips asking for entrance which she quickly granted. Her tongue frantically roamed my mouth, feeling every inch, swirling around my tongue, trying to make up for lost time. Suddenly I felt dizzy, I had forgotten how much I needed her, how empty I felt without her. Finally I pulled back needing oxygen. She rested her forehead on mine, but I pulled away to look into her eyes, eyes that suddenly seemed ocean blue again.

"Britt, I'm moving back," I said it with such conviction I even startled myself. "What? Tana, no you can't you will lose your scholarship, and what about college?" her eyes were questioning. "College can wait, and honestly I kind of hate college cheerleading. I just want to be with you, every second, I want to kiss you and hold you and make every wound heal. I will never leave you again, unless you want me too…" I tried not be meet her eyes, but I could tell my last phrase confused her, "I could never not want you," she whispered. "Then it's settled. I'm moving back. I will stay with you here until you graduate, and you will graduate, I will make sure of that. If you want I'm sure we can even get you healthy enough to perform with the glee club at sectionals. Brittany, I love you, and I am never going to leave you again, we can start over, and plan our future, together. I'm yours, and I hope you will be mine, forever." Soft tears fell from my eyes as I spoke knowing that there was simply no other option.

I felt Britt scoot over on the hospital bed and pat the empty space next to her, asking. I gently climbed onto the bed, sitting up against the pillows. She shimmied her body over to me so her head was resting on my chest. I tentatively reached my arms around her embracing her. She snuggled closer. We stayed like that for a long time before she tilted her head so her lips were close to my ear. She whispered "Soy tuya, para siempre." I couldn't help but beam down at her flawless Spanish phrase, someone had been practicing. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers gently. She fell asleep soon after, but I was content to just hold her. Soon I was drifting off too, my last thought still lingering behind, _I love you Brittany, forever_.

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**Excuse my Spanish, it is pretty rusty.**

**Mi niña translates to my girl, or my baby girl**  
**Mi querida translates to my love**  
**Más que a mi propia vida translates to More than my own life**  
**Soy tuya, para siempre translates to I'm yours, forever**

**Thanks for reading, please review! Next chapter will be up in a few days.**


	3. The Moon and Stars

**Sorry for the wait, things have been crazy. Please review I would love to hear your comments. Also if anyone has any story ideas (Brittana or Faberry) I am also looking for suggestions. Thanks for reading.**

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**The Moon and Stars**  
**Chapter 3**

3 months later….

Santana POV:

The journey to get to this point has been extremely long, but honestly it has been the best few months of my life. Brittany is finally healing, her scars slowly fading, her beautiful pale skin returning to its glowing condition, her eyes again a piercing blue. But best of all, she's mine. All mine. After almost losing her I swore I'd never leave her again, and that's a promise I've kept every day since. I quit college and moved back to Lima to help Brittany heal and to help her graduate high school; and for the even more selfish reason of never ever wanting to be without her again.

My parents took everything okay; they understood that I needed to be with Brittany like I need air or water, she's my heart, my soul, my very life force. Britt's parents they are supportive too, happy to see their bubbly blonde daughter resurfacing, they've also been even more loving toward me since Britt's incident; not that I deserve that. It's nice though, I feel like everything is finally going perfect in my life.

Mi niña has been doing amazing, we've been working every day to get her grades up, and I've been helping with all her preparations for this year's nationals, Mr. Shue has even agreed to let me go with the Glee club. Along with all of that and her healing we've been making plans for after graduation, finally deciding to move to California; that way Britt can pursue her career as a dancer and I can pursue singing and acting. Life is good. But more than any of that the best part is being with Brittany every single day, kissing her full pink lips, cuddling up to her, her smiling at me, hearing her whisper loving words, my stomach filling with butterflies each time I see her wearing the unicorn necklace I gave her; everything about her is perfect, and even though I screwed up once I know I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

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Brittany's POV:

I can't believe it's finally graduation day! Even better than that we'd won another Glee national championship, but best of all Santana's mine. She'd given up everything to be with me, to help me heal after I couldn't heal myself. The day she promised to stay with me forever I finally felt like I could breathe again, like I could live again. My heart swelled thinking about it. And now I'm walking up to get my diploma at my graduation, my beautiful girlfriend smiling at me from the audience, the unicorn pendant she'd given me all those years ago dangling around my neck. I could feel myself glowing, my healthy skin radiating, my eyes sparkling blue, my bones no longer protruding, and the white scars along my arms thin and fading. As I walked across the stage, to my future, to my Santana, my heart erupted. Unicorns danced around my heart, fireworks exploded in my belly, fairies sang in jubilee and everything in the world faded around me except the brilliant warmth coming from the girl across the room.

Later that day, after my graduation party ended and I'd said goodbye to all of my friends, I noticed Santana was nowhere to be seen. At first slight panic overtook me, a flashback to that awful time in my life without her. But my panic was quickly replaced as I moved over to my kitchen table where I saw a single red rose and a small handwritten note. I picked up the paper breathing in Santana's familiar scent and my heart leapt. I opened it and stared down at the neat, feminine writing, "Niña, I hope you have had a wonderful day so far. But now I have a surprise for you. Go to your room, put on the dress and shoes laid on your bed and come to the Magnolia Inn, room #213. I've already told your parents, they actually helped me out, please hurry my love. I will be waiting."

My heart swelled again, I seriously felt like that Dr. Seuss character The Grinch, where his heart kept getting bigger and bigger from all the love that filled it up. A huge grin spread across my face as I raced up the stairs to my room. The dress Santana had picked out for me was perfect, a light blue silk number with a low cut scoop neck and a little flare where it hit me mid-thigh. The shoes were a simple silver ballet flat with sapphire accents. I dressed as quickly as possible and ran to the bathroom to fix my hair and makeup, wanting to look perfect for the love of my life.

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Santana's POV:

I nervously paced around the hotel, stopping every so often to readjust the rose petals and candles or to smooth out my red halter, cocktail dress. I could feel my heart racing; I'd never felt anything like this, excitement, nerves, and anxiety all boiling up inside of me. I fidgeted even more, waiting for _her_. Within a few minutes I heard a faint knock at the door. My heart jumped, but I took a deep breath and walked over opening it slowly to reveal the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. The dress I'd bought for Britt was the perfect shade to compliment her eyes; it hugged her curves elegantly, showing off just enough skin to make my pulse race. My eyes raked over her delicious body stopping on my favorite feature, her piercing blue eyes, eyes that could see into my very soul, eyes that spoke volumes and radiated such love it made my knees weak. "Wow Britt…" that's about all I could manage without looking like a teenage boy tripping over my own words. "Thanks, you too," she muttered shyly looking toward the ground. I reached up and grabbed her hand silently inviting her to come inside. Her eyes landed on me for a split second before taking in the room around her, she dropped my hand. I heard her gasp as she took in the white silk sheets, the bottle of wine, the rose petals, the candles and the chocolate covered strawberries. She looked back to me and her eyes sparkled even brighter, "Tana, you didn't have to do all of this for me. This is beautiful, but it's way too much." I quickly stepped toward her grasping her petite hands in mine. "Britt, baby, nothing is too much for you, I'd do anything for you, and I want to give you everything you deserve. I wanted tonight to be special in every possible way," my heart continued thudding in my chest as I stared deeply into her very soul. I took a deep breath and continued, "I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone, I'd do anything, give anything, be anything for you. I know I haven't always made the smartest choices, I know I've hurt you; but somehow you've managed to see past all of my imperfections and love me. You are my heart Britt-Britt, my life. Everything I am, everything I will be is for you." My breath hitched in my throat as I saw her smile and a small tear fall down her cheek.

Here goes nothing. I lowered myself down onto one knee keeping one of her hands as I used the other to pull out a small black velvet box. Her breathing stopped. "You are my everything. You complete me, and I promise from this day on that I will love you with everything I have for the rest of our lives. Te amo, más que la luna y que las estrellas, más que a mi propia vida. Brittany S. Pierce, will you marry me?"

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**Excuse my Spanish, it is pretty rusty.**

**Mi niña translates to my girl, or my baby girl**  
**Te Amo translates to I love you**  
**Más que la luna y que las estrellas translates to More than the moon and the stars**  
**Más que a mi propia vida translates to More than my own life**

**Thanks for reading, please, please review!**


	4. Feel My Love

**Last chapter here it is, hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you thought!**

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**Feel My Love**  
**Chapter 4**

Santana's POV:

My heart stopped as I waited for an answer, which, thankfully, came almost immediately. "YES! I love you Santana Maria Lopez, más que la luna y que las estrellas, más que a mi propia vida. And more than anything I want to marry you, to be your wife, to be the mother of your children, to grow old with you, and to love you, body, mind and soul for the rest of eternity." I pulled the shimmering diamond ring out of the box, tears on my cheeks, and placed it gently on her left hand. My heart felt like it was exploding from the joy of it all. I stood up and threw my arms around her, _my fiancé_, and kissed her with all of the love I possessed; both of us communicating every unspoken word since the day we'd met in 6th grade. I felt the love filling the room, along with white hot passion as we felt ourselves ignite with desire for each other.

It didn't take long to push Brittany down onto the bed; I feverishly began trailing hot kisses over her jaw and down her neck, claiming every inch of skin as my own. She was mine, 100%. When that realization hit me a low growl ripped from my throat, filled with desire for the girl that would soon be my wife. I let my hands roam her perfect body, tracing her curves, nipping, sucking and kissing the exposed skin of her neck and shoulders. Though I tried to be careful I saw tiny purple marks begin to pop up on the flesh. "Mmmm Santana, you feel so good, I love when you mark me. I _belong_ to you. Make me _yours_." Her words only fueled my already blazing fire. But I reined myself in, slowing my kisses and touches, I wanted to make this special, I wanted to make love to her, there would be plenty of time for rough and passionate during round two.

I reached up and brushed golden strands of hair out of her perfect face and simply stared down at her. I could never get tired of just looking at her; she was absolute perfection, she is everything that is good in this miserable world. I can't help but ask myself how I got to be so damn lucky. Although I would be content to just stare at my lover forever her quiet moans reminded me how badly I needed to touch her, to fill her, to satiate her. I brought my lips down to hers slowly moving our mouths together caressing every part of her as intimately as I could. She slipped her hands around my neck and pulled me deeper into the kiss. I took this opportunity to straddle her as she lay beneath me. My hands quickly went underneath her as she arched into my kiss, moaning my name. Liquid heat filled my center as I pulled down the zipper on her dress, revealing perfect porcelain skin and two beautiful round breasts with baby pick nipples just begging to be touched. I moved my mouth from hers down to her breasts, licking and sucking on the hardened buds as my hands worked to free her from the restraints of her dress.

"Baby, please let me undress you, I need to feel your skin," her words were liquid lust in the air. I quickly reached around and untied my dress, standing to pull it off of my body. Britt's eyes roamed over my curves, silently begging me to unclasped my black lace bra which I did eagerly. As soon as I released my breasts she let out a loud moan and licked her lips. I climbed back over toward her on the bed and in no time she had us flipped over, pinning me to the bed with one of my nipples between her teeth. "Oohh B, I want, no I need more, you feel so good." Heat continued to race to my core as she trailed hot kissed down my stomach stopping just before she reached my panties. Her eyes met mine silently asking permission to take them off, I nodded. Slowly and seductively she lowered my last remaining garment my glistening sex exposed, wet and ready for her. She devoured me with her eyes as she ran her hands around my hips, thighs and stomach. "Tana, baby you are so wet for me. I love seeing your hot, tight pussy coated in your sweet girl juices for me, and only me. I can't wait to make love to you tonight and every night for the rest of our lives. You. Are. Mine." With those last words she pushed my legs farther apart and licked up my sex, proving who I belonged to, I moaned loudly, unsure if it was from her naughty words or her warm tongue on my most intimate region.

She lapped and licked at my dripping heat and I slipped my fingers into golden hair, her eyes never leaving mine as she savored me. I couldn't help the string of Spanish curses that escaped my lips. "Aye dios mia, niña! Please I need to… I need to feel you _inside_ of me, tómame soy tuya Brittany." As her name left my lips she thrust two fingers deep inside of me, and began pumping in and out with a steady rhythm. I tugged at her hair pulling her away from licking my clit to crash her lips to mine. Tasting myself on Brittany was one of the most erotic experiences of my life. I could taste my arousal, arousal she'd caused, along with the intoxicating taste that was purely Brittany. A loud moan escaped my lips. "Tana please, I need you…" she didn't need to say anymore. I reached down and ripped her panties off, rubbing her slick folds and plunging two fingers deep into her warmth. "FUCK! Tana, please, harder. Make love to me," her breathing matched my own ragged breaths, the room filling with loud moans as we ground into each other pumping into one another, filling and satiating the other. She crashed our lips together again stifling our moans and we both exploded into orgasmic bliss. Wave after wave of uninhibited pleasure coursed through our bodies; our orgasmic currents flowing simultaneously, making us one. I slowed my fingers but didn't remove them, loving the way her walls gripped me tightly. She collapsed on top of me, both of us sweating and breathing heavy. When she withdrew her fingers I felt sudden emptiness, but felt heat rush back to my center and she sucked her fingers clean. "That was the most amazing sex ever," I whispered seductively into her ear. She just giggled, "Santana I love you more than anything, thank you for everything, I couldn't ask for anything else. You've made me the happiest girl in the world. I can't wait to be your wife." My smile grew at her words, "I love you, and I can't wait to make you feel my love every day for the rest of forever. Starting right now"

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**Excuse my Spanish, it is pretty rusty.**

**Mi niña translates to my girl, or my baby girl**  
**Tómame soy tuya translates to Take Me, I'm Yours**  
**Más que la luna y que las estrellas translates to More than the moon and the stars**  
**Más que a mi propia vida translates to More than my own life**  
**Aye Dios Mia translates to Oh my god**

**Thanks for reading; I really hope you enjoyed the story. Please review so I know what you think, I'd love to know if you lovely readers prefer happy ending (such as this) or if you prefer the more angsty stuff (like If I Was Beautiful).**


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